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Jesus is coming.... look busy
Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
A group of toddlers is called a migraine
I puked in the backseat of my friend`s brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn`t any social networking back then, so I`m telling you all now...
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.