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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
If you are offended by the opinions I express you can only imagine the ones I keep to myself.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.
I need a new bad decision.