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FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don`t even call back people I know.
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
People hate facing the truth. Luckily the truth doesn`t give a sh*t.
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.
Smelling another person should be a choice.