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It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
Well, the people outside are frightful.
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn`t have waffle cones but they had pictures of waffle cones. That guy was me.
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.