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Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
"What did you do today?" "I text messaged." :)
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
You know you`re a mom when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”