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I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
Women are like bacon: They look good, They smell good, They taste good, And they will kill you slowly.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.