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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
i only drink on days that end with y
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."