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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
My own personal hell sounds great, actually
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.