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This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
When I say "It’s a long story" It usually means I just don’t want to tell you it.
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)