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Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
lifes a laugh, start living it!
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.