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Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
I’m not fat... my stomach is 3D.
I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
I spend 800% of my life exaggerating.
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.