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Be careful, there is also plenty of mentally unstable fish in the sea.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
"Hey, man, just called to see when you`re going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
It’s getting harder and harder to find vodka-flavored vodka.
There’s so many people I’d love to get the silent treatment from
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.