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I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won`t have to talk to them.
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
Some of you are like family to me. I don’t want you calling me either.
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.