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I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, where in hell did he get that idea?
Mondays are middle finger approved
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?