Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
As soon as you think β€œmaybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
:): The Bipolar smiley face
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” β€” Me being delusional
Friends are like boobs. Some are real, some are fake