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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
Some people just need to be clothes lined
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
Your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?