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My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
It`s not cellulite, it`s my body`s way of saying "I`m sexy" ... in braille.
No, I don`t have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
Don`t get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.