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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
The grass is always greener over the septic tank
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!