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Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
I hate when the remote is way over there
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(