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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
The most expensive part of having kids is all the booze I drink.
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
You chicks spend a lot of money on makeup to look pretty. Save your cash, buy him Alcohol.
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.