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It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
Finding friends with the same disorder as you... priceless!
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won`t make you carry them.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.