Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose beer.
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
My grandfather once waited in line for 36 hours to get a loaf of bread and I can`t wait two seconds for a Youtube video to load.
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
If two donuts are stuck together it counts as one right?