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One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
My chiropractor just told me that I`m well adjusted. See? Not everyone thinks I`m a total weirdo...
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
Alcohol is never the answer...unless, of course, you ask what I`ll be doing tonight.
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
Without coffee, Iām just a really tall 2 year old.
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.