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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
The general rule is that you shouldn`t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you’re hot.
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling