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Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
Your duty as a friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck.
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.