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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!
If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you`re wrong. I`m wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
I give up on life! I have better luck playing Monopoly...or Clue...
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.
Guy on plane: So, where are you going? Me: I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.