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the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much stuff to carry.
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?