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Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
When I was a kid, I used to sing, `A, B, C,D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P`
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
I’M ENGAGED…..to be hungover tomorrow.
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
The doctor said I should be drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself “the doctor” now.
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.