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GF: Does this dress make my a$$ look big? BF: Nope Your A$$ makes the dress look big.
Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!