Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
McDonald`s should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong sh!t they gave you at the second window.
My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.
I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
"Three blind mice" is probably the most popular nursery rhyme about animal cruelty
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
I`ve never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
That awkward moment when your trapped in the corner of your shower because the hot water ran out.
Some people should come with subtitles.