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I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.