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I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dumbass, I can let you know about it.
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
Do you think that the guy that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
I`m 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch
The restraining order doesn`t mean we can`t hangout. It just says I can`t get within 50 ft of you. So you wanna play catch or frisbee or something?
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.