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My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?
Curling irons have a warning tag that says “For External Use Only.” Which of you sick mofos made that necessary?
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."