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OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
If you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza.
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
Social Media Awkwardness: When people "like" a relationship status of being single by your ex instead of yours.
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don`t use words like "East."
have you ever noticed `lol` looks like a drowning person?
The only beachfront property I`ll ever be able to afford is a sandcastle.
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.