Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Happy people don`t take long showers.
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.