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Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
I totally tricked this woman into sleeping with me. All I had to do was put a ring on her finger and live with her for the rest of my life.
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
Bless me Father for I hit send.
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”