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Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
Random Thought: How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
If you ever feel like a failure, just know that somewhere in the world, someone just lost their straw inside a Capri Sun.
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
I feel that being a smarta$$ is my duty. The pay sucks, but the work is very rewarding.