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They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
I`ll be a morning person when it`s Christmas.
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.
I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.