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Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
I can’t wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
My girlfriend says I shouldn`t plan things so far in advance. Well, she`s not my girlfriend yet.
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.
Some people should come with subtitles.