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I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
Trust me, I am a liar.
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?