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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
"No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
Me: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you’re smart too, I like that.