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Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"
Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
I was the hot single in my area the whole time.
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
Illiterate? Well then sign up today for free online reading classes!
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.
I just bought a house, car and a boat with no payments until 2013. Those f`ing Mayans better be right…