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Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don`t even call back people I know.
Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.