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My girlfriend said we can`t hang out this weekend because she doesn`t really exist.
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
You know it`s getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..