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Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re my bartender & you say "This guy looks like he needs another double vodka martini" then please do..
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
I grew up for this?
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
I used to care what you thought of me, then I remembered what I thought of you.
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.