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Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?