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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
2 cops walk into a bar… I don’t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.