Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
If people are what they eat, some people must eat a lot of stupid.
To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.