Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn’t made me look insane 10,000 times.
The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
Girls are supposed to dance. That`s why god gave them parts that jiggle.
Inspirational status: Today’s probably going to suck. Don’t be a little bitch and handle that sh!t.