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The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
Never confuse the words "venom" and "poison". Venom is injected into blood by an animal. Poison is injected into food by a woman.
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don`t have to be nice anymore.
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.