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I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
Those raccoons must of had one heck of a party last night!!!! That`s the 4th one I`ve seen passed out on this road
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis