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Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
I got a job at Bath and Body Works just so I can tell people to smell my finger...
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
Those raccoons must of had one heck of a party last night!!!! That`s the 4th one I`ve seen passed out on this road
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject
Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?