Daily Silly Status

(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"

Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....

Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.

How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!

I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.

If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?

Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.

That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.

I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.

I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.

On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?

There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.

Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.

I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.