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A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your covers!”
Gym Update: Not there.
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.