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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I’m done.
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.