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You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
Exaggerations went up a million percent last year.
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.
I`m so deep in the friendzone that I`ve met her boyfriends parents
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.