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Have you ever seen the look on a mans face when he is truly sorry? Yeah, me either!
My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he`s just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.