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Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
Excuse me but which level of Hell is this?
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
More people should be at a loss for words.
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
These statuses are a lot better if you imagine them being read by Morgan Freeman.
They say children are a gift from god. I`m totally wide-open to regifting.
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.