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The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
Own the day
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?