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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I`m going to bed
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest....
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.