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Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and that`s where I sleep.
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.