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According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
Excuse me but which level of Hell is this?
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
A man who scratches his butt should not bite fingernails!
life is too short to match socks
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.