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The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon.... I think I am going to be pretty good at it.
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
I found $40 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy dart guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, dart guns and candy".
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
The first sign of laziness:
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.