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Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.
What do you mean being awesome for another year isn`t a resolution?
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.