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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
Life Tip: Tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry, they will clean it for free!
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
There`s both a McDonald`s and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
I can’t prove this, but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired
So many fun things to say … too many relatives on Facebook to post!
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!