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Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.
It takes me like three days to wake up in the morning.
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?