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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke….. in which I talk about having a wife.
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!