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finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
The doctor said I need to drink more whiskey....Oh, by the way... I`m calling myself "the doctor" now.
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...