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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, nudity, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
Excuse me but which level of Hell is this?
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
Every time I see an abandoned shoe on the highway it reminds me of some of the drunken nights we use to have.
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.