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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
When choosing a ring tone, always ask yourself, "How embarrassed will I be when this rings in public?"
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.
An empty fridge is a sad fridge.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!