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Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
Why do cops ask us why we think they pulled us over? It`s their job. I dont go to the station and ask why they think I created a powerpoint.
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
I pretend to like people everyday. It`s called being an adult. That`s why we`re allowed to buy booze.
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)