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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
ever notice that on a phone the word "mom" is 666?
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.