Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
Bacon...need I say more
Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
LIKE if you check your phone to see what time it is and then check it again because the first time you weren’t paying attention.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.
Aaron Hernandez`s next jersey is going to be a jailhouse jumpsuit!