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Women are like bacon: They look good, They smell good, They taste good, And they will kill you slowly.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
It takes two people to lie....one to lie.....the other to listen
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist