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Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
Marriage tip: Don`t
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.