Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.