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I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
I am not as think as you drunk I am
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.