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I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because Iām a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Nobody pissed me off today... I got to get out more.
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
I want to tell my coworker I have strong feelings for her, but I`m afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
Nothing starts my day off quite like an inspirationsl status!...May your day go fast, your socks match and your underwear no ride up your a$$.
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.