Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
"Hey homie!" - How I greet my house whenever I arrive.
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.