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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
Yes, I used to "dance like no one is watching"; at least until Google Earth sent me a certificate for ten free lessons.
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...